Dust it off, try again

It's an interesting thing to see perspectives change based on one's experience.

I would have looked at this image before my miscarriage and saw something different than I do now.

Let me provide you with my perspective now.

A woman and a bicycle.

She attempted a ride, but fell. She fell hard.

Now she waits.

She is resting by what is hers and letting what is hers rest by her.

She imagines what it would be like to try again.

She imagines what it be like to try again and succeed.

But the memories of the previous abatement put fear above hope.

But someday, hope will outweigh fear

and she will ride again.

Although it will be awhile before Ben & I can try to get pregnant again,

I am already overwhelmed with fear of what could happen.

I want to take time to focus on the experience we just had.

To not overlook our three musketeers and to not forget our short time with them.

Although I am thankful for the three children I am sure to meet in a different place,

I am also ready to meet all the other children I am bound to have in this place.

So I have thrown all my plans out the window and am letting life happen.

I cannot plan someone else's life.

I am not in complete control.

That takes away some burden.

I will wait for my body to heal and wait for my strength to return.

And hopefully, someday you will all celebrate with me as I once again carry life.