Josh Ritter - "Girl In The War"

As my body returns to a healthy post-miscarriage state,

I begin to fear.

The time for my body to attempt pregnancy again draws closer.

I have never known pregnancy past 3 months.

It's a challenge to imagine I ever could.

What is even more challenging for me, is to watch my husband helplessly plead with God.

To watch him not have control.

To see him as he waits and hopes and fears, along with me.

I grew up the oldest sibling in a rather large family that lived suffering experience from suffering experience.

I was always the one to take on the pain of those around me and give my all to protect them.

During my miscarriage, it was awful to know that my husband was in a place I hate to be in.

He had to watch as I experience excruciating pain and demolished womanhood.

When I hear this song I think about the position he is in.

Praying and hoping my body recovers and my spirit regains strength.

Knowing that with healthy pregnancy or miscarriage, the responsibility to respond accurately rests solely on my body.

I am thankful that my husband stood with me through every pain and every emotion of our last pregnancy.

I cannot imagine how difficult it was for him to feel helpless, although he wasn't.

We are in this war together.

I needed him each step of the way. And I need him as we enter into a new, frightening and hopeful season.

My dearest Benjamin, you are my super hero. You are a phenomenal husband and exceptional father.

Our three musketeers can attest to that.

letting the world expose your colors

Humanity hides.
Compared to the plant kingdom, the animal kingdom and the galaxies that surround us,
humanity is dull and colorless.
It seems that woven into the DNA of plants, animals and stars is the inability to hide.
There is an undeniable need to awe.
A desire to speckle the earth with beauty, color, mystery.
Birds will show their colors with confidence.
Plants will stain the cold grown with their warm colors.
The sun scatters light in mystical ways, unashamed.
Why do we, as humans, not follow these examples.
We are afraid to let the world see us.
We are afraid to decline the norm.
Why are we afraid to let the world be awed by us.
By our beauty, by our strength.
Each plant, even  within it's own species of plant, is a unique shade, a unique shape of petals,
but it doesn't stop them from decorating the earth.
I am learning how to be human from these non-human creations.
My beauty is my own.
My strength is my own.
And all that I am shines through when I am surrounded by darkness and coldness.
So why hide the darkness and the coldness.
Why prevent ourselves from being exposed to the world.
Why be so fearful of letting others see us in our most painful moments.
It's an inspiration to see a plant push it's way through concrete or snow.
I am inspired.
So, take a look world.
I have known darkness, emptiness, fruitlessness and coldness.
But here I am.
Look, and be in awe.
For I am human, woman to be exact and I am not easily trampled on.
May the rest of humanity catch on to the examples being shown around us.