Josh Ritter - "Girl In The War"

As my body returns to a healthy post-miscarriage state,

I begin to fear.

The time for my body to attempt pregnancy again draws closer.

I have never known pregnancy past 3 months.

It's a challenge to imagine I ever could.

What is even more challenging for me, is to watch my husband helplessly plead with God.

To watch him not have control.

To see him as he waits and hopes and fears, along with me.

I grew up the oldest sibling in a rather large family that lived suffering experience from suffering experience.

I was always the one to take on the pain of those around me and give my all to protect them.

During my miscarriage, it was awful to know that my husband was in a place I hate to be in.

He had to watch as I experience excruciating pain and demolished womanhood.

When I hear this song I think about the position he is in.

Praying and hoping my body recovers and my spirit regains strength.

Knowing that with healthy pregnancy or miscarriage, the responsibility to respond accurately rests solely on my body.

I am thankful that my husband stood with me through every pain and every emotion of our last pregnancy.

I cannot imagine how difficult it was for him to feel helpless, although he wasn't.

We are in this war together.

I needed him each step of the way. And I need him as we enter into a new, frightening and hopeful season.

My dearest Benjamin, you are my super hero. You are a phenomenal husband and exceptional father.

Our three musketeers can attest to that.