For about two months now I've tried several times to sit down and write a blog that perfectly captures the stage of life I'm in right now. I've finally given up on that goal and decided to just let words fall out. We are now 33 weeks along in this pregnancy and a sense of anticipation and excitement is making abode deep in my spirit. We are preparing ourselves, our house, our dog and our community the best we can for the arrival of this child. However, both Ben and I know that no one is prepared for the wonderfulness this child is bringing into the world. This process has brought much with it. It's been painful at times, but mostly a it's been a mysterious beauty that has decorated every detail of our everyday lives. This process has brought us redemption. Witnessing our child grow from the size of a lima bean to a healthy, kicking and hiccuping baby has been the greatest miracle we have ever experienced. After we lost the triplets, we knew we wanted to get pregnant again, but this time we were not going to plan it out or aim for pregnancy. The moment we let go on of control, we became pregnant. We really took something from that experience. This pregnancy became even more redemptive when we discovered that although we were only carrying one baby, there were aspects about this pregnancy that were uncommon in singleton babies but common in multiples. With all of this also came this little ones due date -- November 11th. It was November 1, 2010 that we found out we lost our triplets. The rest of the month was miserable. Going through the physical and spiritual turmoil of a miscarriage destroyed the way I felt about autumn time and specifically the month of November. I remember thinking that November would never end. I am now learning to take a new look at this season and November. Sometimes Ben and I talk about how amazing it would be if we gave birth to this little one on November 1st -- a year after we lost our first babies. I guess we are getting closer to see if this actually happens!
It's been a long, challenging journey into motherhood. This journey has already shook me up and encouraged me to see life differently than I ever have. I don't think I would be able to describe exactly how this has happened but I can say that life is no longer a big picture to me. It's little things. The moments, the scents, the conversations that take place in one day are all I focus on at a time. Relationships with those around me, my community, my marriage, my family and friends, my dog have all become increasingly more important to me. Politics and debates have become more obnoxious to me. Slandering and divisive comments about people make me ache for more of Jesus. As I become engulfed in the most powerful love I have ever known, the love of a mother for her child, the more hate and unnecessary divides I see around me. And as this little one's birthday approaches, the more I feel the presence of God surrounded me and reminding me of what really makes life important. I cannot believe how close we are to meeting this little sweetheart. I am excited for the continuation of this pregnancy process -- for labor, delivery and finally looking the purest, sweetest image of God in the eyes. World, get ready, because of how much this baby has changed my life and the life of those in my mishpacha, I know this baby is bound to spread this love and joy to all corners of the world.
