Spring is close. I am anticipating it and even more so I am anticipating summer. The only fear I have for this summer is the month of June. June 1st was my due date. Of course, this date was set before we realized I was pregnant with triplets, so I would probably would have had the triplets way sooner! However, the month of June took on a whole new feeling and meaning when the Midwife told me that was the month I would give birth. Along with the transition into summer comes more days, months and seasons from the time when the triplets were alive. I hate the way time never stops. But I know I have learned from my pain and I am ready for the next seasons. Pregnancy is still so scary to me, but I hope a season of childbearing is not too far in the distance. And with the next seasons I am going to use my experience to give to others. I have signed up to be a photographer for the organization "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep." This organization is a collection of photographers who volunteer at local hospitals to take pictures for families who experience stillbirth. Although I did not experience stillbirth, I can easily imagine the pain they feel. I know how much I would love to have images of my triplets to look at everyday, but unfortunately they were too young to be photographed. However, I believe that if I experienced a stillbirth, I would want images to remember the face of my little one.
When I talk to some people about this organization, they respond with "I cannot imagine that experience" or "I wouldn't want to see that and have to take those pictures". But I completely disagree. Anyone can imagine that pain, that's what imagination is for. Often it's not that we can't imagine, it's that we don't want to imagine. It's too uncomfortable.
I took the following quote from a blog that has sincerely guided me through my grief, and I would like to end this blog with it.
Real love gets into the trenches of grief and suffering. It imagines. It lets it’s mind’s eye linger. Real love will not avert its eyes. It won’t say, “Your disaster is too much for me.”
