For 22 weeks now I have been housing a growing infant.
Each day, week and month brings something new with it.
This past month contains the memory of the first time I felt this baby move.
And now, this child is constantly dancing in my womb.
It's astonishing.
I am grateful for all that I am experiencing with this pregnancy and this transition into motherhood.
I wouldn't trade it for anything.
However, there are times I feel I am being cheated.
At our 20 week ultrasound we were told that our baby had a 2 vessel umbilical cord as opposed to the normal 3 vessel umbilical cord.
This happens in about 1% of pregnancies.
It can be can a sign of growth issues or anomalies.
Although everything with our child's organs and growth seemed perfect at 20 weeks, we now have to go in for ultrasounds throughout the pregnancy to make sure everything is progressing healthily.
If you research more about 2 vessel cords, it will come up with lots of negative possibilities.
Increased risk of pre-term labor, stillbirth, heart issues and low birth weight.
However, I am throwing all those negative possibilities out the window and enjoying this baby every day that I can.
Our midwife is certain that this baby is fine, sometimes this 2 vessel cord thing just happens and perfectly happy, healthy baby is born.
No matter what, I am head over heels for this child already.
It just becomes challenging to see so many others experience healthy and normal, but it seems in most areas of my life, I experience the most absurd and abstract things.
I am learning to see this as beautiful as opposed to a nuisance.
And I am learning that there are so many things in life that plans don't need to be made for.
I have seen women who get pregnant, carelessly eat and drink things that could harm the baby, never take prenatal vitamins, do drugs, drink and do all the things a pregnant woman shouldn't -- and yet they carry their baby to term and deliver a healthy baby.
And I have seen women (and been one of them) who pays extra close attention to her health and well being during pregnancy and do all that she can to benefit her child, and yet she loses this baby she has already been mothering.
At times this makes me angry, but most of all it makes me realize how little control we have over life.
And although I would never encourage such carelessness during pregnancy, I would encourage relaxing more and enjoying each moment as they come.
So this is my new focus as I "prepare" for motherhood.
To stop trying to be so prepared.
Motherhood happens naturally.
Life takes course and we can only alter little things here and there.
We are not directing the ship, we are just on it.
I'm not going to pretend to be some "adult" who has life figured out.
I am a child of God who needs to trust more and stop planning every detail of my life.
Therefore, I will take risks and allow life to surprise me.
I trust that there is nothing that I will experience that will be too much for me and my family and friends to take on together.
If my dear child is born with serious health concerns, I'm glad that it's to a family like mine and not a family that would abandon or mistreat or see this life as any less worthy.
Mother Teresa has said that God never gives us more than we can handle.
So if it is indeed God giving me this challenge, I will take it on.
I have enough love, joy and patience to be a superb mother to any child.
So here's to you, my wee one continually doing jigs inside your little home--
We love you uncontrollably and no matter what, full health or some struggles, we got your back.
