I believe the process of pregnancy is the most challenging, beautiful thing I have ever experienced.
Because of this, I would like to share the story of my daughters final entry into the world through her birth.
When I first discovered I was pregnant, I began to read and research all my options as a mother.
Birthing options were of high importance to me.
I wanted to birth at home, but unfortunately our insurance wouldn't cover a home birth.
I then found a small group of midwives who birthed with their patients at a local hospital.
The hospital worked closely with the midwives and their patients to create a space ideal for natural birthing.
And this became my plan.
No induction, no medication, no interference, just my body doing what it knows how.
At 20 weeks pregnant we had to change our plans a bit.
We found out our child has a 2 vessel umbilical cord as opposed to a 3 vessel cord.
This meant that labor might be harder on our baby than most and therefore we were not going to be allowed to go past the 41 week mark.
41 weeks came and no sign of baby.
We opted for a non-medicated way to induce called the foley bulb. This way I could labor at home as well.
The foley bulb didn't work.
We then opted to try a gentler medication to entice baby to leave the womb.
For this one I had to be admitted to the hospital and hooked up to monitors.
This medication only took a couple of hours to get things started, so we called our Doula and told her we think it's time.
However, after 11 hours of early labor I had not dilated or effaced.
Although I was hooked up to the monitors, I was still able to stand, use a birthing ball, squat, etc through the contractions. I spent most of my labor on the birthing ball or standing and swaying my hips with each contraction.
The midwife then made the call that for the best interest of baby we need to start pitosin.
They started little bits of pitosin every half hour, and every half hour my contractions would get more intense and closer together.
For the next 25 hours the pitosin was used to keep my labor going.
I was handling everything well and really enjoying the process.
My contractions were really intense, lasting for minute and about a minute apart, so my midwife checked to see if I was dilated more. I was only at 4.
So more pitocin flowed through my veins.
So more pitocin flowed through my veins.
Once again, things began to get more intense.
It seemed like we were in this phase forever.
My midwife checked me again.
After hours of active labor, I was dilated to a 5.
The midwife then broke my water.
And then I knew I entered "labor land".
Contractions were now 1 1/2 minutes long and 30 seconds apart.
I continued to use the birthing ball, birthing stool, leaning on Ben all in hope that these positions would make baby come faster.
Somehow, I don't remember how, I ended up on the bed, laying on my side gripping the side rails of the bed so hard for each contraction.
I had to search deep in my soul to get through each contraction.
I was shocked at the sounds that came from me, but those noises helped me cope with the pain as much as I could.
After about an hour or two of contractions this strong, the midwife asked me if I felt the need to push.
She kept asking me this and I kept saying, no.
The contractions were showing that we were at the end of labor, so my midwife checked me once again.
I was stuck at 5 cm.
When I heard that I was only at 5 cm, I begged Ben to get me some kind of pain medication.
He kept saying, "you can do it", just like I told him to tell me if I started begging.
The midwife then pulled Ben to the side and told him what she thought was best at that moment.
Apparently my baby's head was titled slightly towards one hip and therefore not putting enough pressure on the cervix to dilate.
This also explains the intense back labor I experienced through some of the labor.
The midwife said that we can continue to try this naturally, but from her experience that would increase our chances of needing a Cesarean. Or we can try an epidural and see if relieving the pain will make me loosen up and start to dilate more.
We did the epidural.
They also began more pitosin.
Immediately I felt relieved. So Ben and my doula went to get food, my midwife left for a couple of hours and I tried to sleep.
However, about 30 minutes after the epidural went in I started to feel painful contractions again.
I also really felt the need to push.
I paged a nurse since I was alone in the room and when she came in she checked me and said I was only at 7 cm so I needed to avoid the desire to push.
That was so hard to do. The pain kept increasing so I told the nurse that I don't think the epidural is working.
They then tried giving me a stronger dose and it still didn't work.
Finally my midwife came back and the decision was made that we would have to retry the epidural.
In the process of doing a new epidural, we discovered that the hose from the from the first one was kinked.
Just my luck.
At this point I also noticed I was losing a lot of blood so I asked my midwife about it.
She said it's not typical to loose this much blood, but it's not a threat yet either, we just need to keep an eye on it.
After the epidural kicked in I slept for about an hour or two and my midwife came back in to check.
Finally she said the sweet words I was waiting to hear.
10 cm.
Time to push.
Throughout the pushing process, I began to feel the contractions again.
Apparently epidurals are not strong enough for my body.
Rather then them telling me when to push, I told them when it was time.
There were a few times when my babies heart rate went down substantially.
I then heard the nurse ask my midwife if she needed to get hold of the doctor who does Cesarean.
My midwife thought about it and said that this child is low enough that we can do this.
So they gave me some oxygen to help keep the babies heart rate up.
I felt each contraction and each push became more and more painful and relieving at the same time.
After 20 minutes of pushing, my darling daughter was finally born.
The midwife and nurse had a small session of worry as I continued to bleed unnecessarily after delivery.
When things were finally calm, I began to feel blissful.
I was so proud to have accomplished what I did but still disappointed that things hadn't gone has gently as I planned.
After delivery I began to deal with these emotions toward my labor experience.
I am still reliving the whole process and amazed that I experienced it.
Despite my best efforts, I wasn't able to labor and deliver naturally.
However, I did labor for 23 hours without pain medication and I did bring a beautiful new life into the world.
So that's mine and Emery's story.
A few days ago I was saying that I don't want to get pregnant again because of this experience.
But today, as I continue to bond with my daughter and our story, I can say that I look forward to attempting a natural labor the next time around and despite the outcome, I will be proud of myself.
