Throughout my life
I’ve struggled with believing that I’m a woman of worth.
I’ve often felt
inferior to other women.
I saw myself as a
weak woman who was mediocre at best.
I was never smart
enough, strong enough, pretty enough or feminine enough.
I have definitely
been my toughest critic.
In an almost mystical
way, the woman I see when I look in the mirror now seems to be just as she
should be.
This seems to come
from the most empowering experience I’ve ever had;
pregnancy and
motherhood.
Throughout my pregnancy
I witnessed my body do all the necessary actions to give life to another human.
I labored for hours
on end to bring forth this new life and found strength I never knew I had in
the process.
Now as mother, I
witness my body once again provide for this child.
I have a new
appreciation for my body and my spirit.
I have a new
confidence in my womanhood.
When I lost the
triplets last year, not only did I mourn the loss of their lives but I also
lost some sense of my womanhood.
I think of my
triplets often.
I think of them when
I look at Emery’s sweet face.
I think of them when
I hear Emery’s cry.
I wonder about them
often.
Though they were very
very young when we lost them, I still feel like I’ve known them for years.
However, I feel like
I have finally found pieces of my womanhood that were stolen away from me when
I lost my triplets.
I believe I found
true empowerment.
True confidence.
I no longer feel the
need to judge my body, because I’ve seen and experienced its abilities.
These abilities are
sacred and beautiful beyond comparison.
I have gained
confidence in my natural abilities to be a mother.
I thought I would be
a nervous wreck when it came to taking care of a newborn, but I’m actually at
peace.
Someone I trust
myself.
Motherhood has made
me feel stronger, sexier, capable.
Motherhood has also
revealed the love of my Creator and my God in a way I’ve never seen.
I have never prayed
this often.
I have never been so
thankful.
I have never felt
such a need to trust God.
I have never trusted
God this much.
Knowing the love I
have for my child and love God has for my child has shown me that I am loved
just as much as my child is.
This is empowering.
I would have never
guessed the journey to motherhood would have this effect.
I am thankful that I
was given the opportunity to experience the magic of pregnancy.
And I am thankful
that I am now experiencing the empowering role of Mother.
The moment a child is
born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but
the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
Thank you, Creator of
life, for entrusting this little girl to me and allowing me to experience the
holiness of becoming a Mother.
This is so beautiful Nicole. Thanks for sharing these encouraging, vulnerable, powerful words as well as your birth story.
ReplyDelete-Sam